Covering “Clothing Time” by Myq Kaplan, a cover of “Closing Time” by Semisonic
It's sort of a cover joke about a cover song.
Last Friday, genial Substacker and comedy expert Myq Kaplan shared the following joke:
And it just really got me. It’s just perfectly short and silly and has this way of conjuring up the entire scene. It didn’t even matter that a song like this would technically not be considered a cover song because ultimately it is a song about clothing which technically makes it a cover song.
Instead, more words immediately jumped to mind:
I shared them, briskly conquering that strange corner of my brain that demand I write parody lyrics to someone else’s joke. I was victorious.
Except I wasn’t. Instead, the joke stubbornly continued to delight me. So, in the background of the weekend, I comprised the rest of the lyrics in my head.
Here they are, written down:
Clothing time, open all the drawers
And pick out your boxers and socks.
Clothing time, grab your favorite t-shirt
And your rainbow-colored sparkly CrocsClothing time, one last call for overalls
They cover your torso and rear
Clothing time, you don’t have a hair comb
But your hat’s right hereI don’t think I ought to wear cologne
I don’t think I ought to wear cologne
I don’t think I ought to wear cologne
Wear cologneClothing time, time for you to go out
To the clearance sale at Nordstrom
Clothing time, jogging pants are half off
And you’re thinking that you might need someSo gather up your jacket, grab your bag and pack it
You’re off to go meet your friend
Clothing time, every new beginning
Comes from some other designer trendI don’t think I ought to wear cologne
I don’t think I ought to wear cologne
I don’t think I ought to wear cologne
Wear cologneClothing time, time for you to go out
To the clearance sale at NordstromI don’t think I ought to wear cologne
I don’t think I ought to wear cologne
I don’t think I ought to wear cologne
Wear cologneClothing time, every new beginning
Comes from some other designer trend
And so where there once stood a nice little joke, now lies a dead horse. I am become death, destroyer of lols.
Naturally, at a time like this, the only thing left to do is keep going.
I’m sure that in little to no time, this thriving Substack comedy community will improve upon these verses in the comments. Then we will call upon one of our great lo-fi indie rock darlings to record it. The internet will demand a silly music video. McG will direct.
Myq, I’m sorry or you’re welcome? It’s out of our hands now. Semisonic announced a new album yesterday. The river of serendipity runneth over. Are you out there, Dan Wilson? It’s not too late for you to hop on this viral hype train.
Comments are open for punch up. For instance, I like the cologne line, but maybe it should be “I know I don’t want to wear cologne” or something. I was also toying with something like “My black t-shirt has the word Ramones”. Bonus points if it can rhyme with the original lyrics. ⚑
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